And life as I know it has just come to a STOP.
Dark swathes of depression during the witching hours, is this me? Am I ready for it? Is this my body? Does anyone care?
Wow, so I finally did it (note I don’t say we).
This is it.
Life as I know it has changed.
And I’m still struggling to come to terms with it.
No more impulsive holidays with just a backpack
No more long drives
No late night meetings
No dances or dandiyas
Pigmentation marks. Acne. Scaly skin. Dandruff. Swollen Face. Fatigue.
And I can’t drink, smoke grass, watch horror flicks, get into fights to chase away these blues.
I’m beginning to resemble a tuber and a rotten one at that.
My stilletoes are out.
Flat shoes keep my swollen feet from getting more swollen.
And heh, guess what?! I just can’t complain.
After all how many get to be a mother.
With a shelf life nearing expiry and alarming stats (A woman dies from complications in childbirth every minute – about 529,000 each year — the vast majority of them in developing countries not to mention miscarriage, genetic abnormalities, and so on and so forth)
Last count the world’s population was nipping at 1.14% per year, about 133 million babies born each year (123 million and counting this year) and my baby (when it hops out) will be one in the count.
I should count myself lucky, they say….
Eat for 2
Eat 300 calories more
And don’t worry the nausea stops
You will get the pregnancy glow
You won’t look like a well-fed sow or cow (choose your bovine)
The morning sickness be damned
The pretty 30-year old neighbour who looks 16 to the jaundiced eye be damned
The gym going other half be damned
The well meaning aunty with the religious texts be damned
As I labour along, the whole world be damned!
Let me wallow in my misery, bask in the miracle of having a child inside, delight in the wonder of how the body changes, frown at the well-meaning platitudes, sulk at not being able to fit in (anywhere) anymore…..
After all I get to be pregnant but once!
Unless of course my body thinks it is an assembly line and the next one is in production……