Someone said to me once, “You will never be at peace till you conquer your fear.”
As I went for my evening jog, for some weird reason this line became a refrain in my head. Perhaps, this article in Mint that I had read before heading out subconsciously triggered the litany.
Whatever it was as I saw the sky burst into my favorite colors across the zephyr, birds make a formation of a bigger bird as they flew back home, cars honking, bikes whizzing by and the new overbridge light up like pearls on a string I felt breathless, happy.
My mind was clear, conscious of every sound around me, and I was aware of my raspy breathing but people were blurred. I kept jogging on taking whichever road seemed quieter and behold, I came across a well-maintained BBMP park. I ran around the track, slowed down and breathed deep. The cool air hurt my lungs. I sat on the bench and closed my eyes. What do you think I heard?
The hoot of the night owl, birds chirping, children crying, children playing, women talking, footsteps, tap tap of shoes jogging on the track, a voice chanting Venkatesha Suprabhatha and than, the sound of my breathing….slow, labored.
This mindful state of consciousness did not have the sound of my inner voices, which usually fight in my head. I did not hear them. I did not miss them. I felt happy, blissful at not having to hear the conflicts that tear inside. “Don’t” “You shouldn’t” “What will he think, she think, they think” “How could you” and so on and so on and so on.
Maybe finally, I’m coming closer to accept myself and conquer my fears…….