The first word that came to mind as I stepped back to take stock.

One year into a job, 12 years of work (mostly in some sort of a corporate structure), 30+ years of existence, 7 years into a steady relationship, 10 days since giving up on Malty.

This last is what got me thinking.

I actually gave up on someone whom I love, who made each day a joy to live; And for all who smirck & snigger at the thought of this, this maudlin sentiments over what to you is probably just a dog, my middle finger to you and for those who understand, well, why do you think you figure so largely in the landscape of my life.

Yes, I gave him up, gave him away.

After much contemplation and a knee jerk reaction to a lonesome creature staring out at me from the other side I called up a friend (who was a stranger till then) to pick him up.

Malty roams free on a chicken farm today and may get a few more dog companions.

Bottomline – Apartment living and a slave to corporate living is just not conducive when there is a hyper-energetic one+ year old who waits by the doorstep, listening and yearning. Walks, plays, time out…I wasn’t able to do much of this.

Is he happy?

I don’t know.

I hear the new companion give me glowing tributes of Malty rescuing chickens from stray dogs, playing on the farm, wagging his tail and not letting the boy get out of sight. He sounds like he has adjusted.

Where does that live me?

Ever-selfish me?

No where.

Even when he is away, this time for good my life lessons continue. I learnt the hard way…

If you aren’t ready for the responsibility don’t grab it

Think things through, at least in the mid term

Life is about living, and not raking up the past

Be open to the possibilities of a new tomorrow

As I get up to grab a cup of coffee I (imagine) feel his copper toned body brush against my leg as he grabs his toy and drops it at my leg, his sea green eyes staring at me, in hope, perhaps……







3 thoughts on “Regressive

  1. it left a lump in my throat contemplating on the separation. it is much more difficult for an animal (who loves you unconditionally) to forget you than what you can. you can come up with logic, pros and cons whereas he knows nothing but a straight ‘why’.
    i hope he become so happy again that he doesn’t miss you anymore. you can always adjust consoling yourself with logic. i am sorry if it sounds hurting, i didn’t intend to. but i have no wish to renege. i know you did it with the best intentions. you are courageous enough to come to a decision. most of the people are not. they fuck themselves and fuck the poor life at home.

    • @ghetu. Don’t be sorry for the statement you made. That is the truth and it is inconsolable and unforgivable.

      I hope so too that he finds so much of happiness and love that he doesn’t remember me ever.

      I wasn’t courageous just a coward for taking a convenient decision!!

  2. I had a German Shepherd, but my parents (judiciously) let it go to another home, because my younger brother was a year old. A 5 feet long canine can be intimidating to a baby, though Raja, as we lovingly called him, adored my baby brother as if he understands that his presence might cause discomfort more to my mother than to my brother. I used to visit him often and play for sometime running around in the lawn, thankfully the new home had a bigger and greener area for a pet to feel free. He did not change ever and always used to just playfully grab my hand or legs as if telling not to go. Dogs are the dearest of all…indeed!

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