Much tempted to end that title with breaking free, but that wouldn’t quite be true.
After more than a decade of the log in-log out routine (9-5 doesn’t fit coz i have been an odd hours gal) I have taken a self-imposed break. Like someone remarked it is high time I cut loose from what was clearly not my calling. Come to think of it I should have cut loose a long time back, but I held back. Not only coz of the monthly EMIs that roll by or the sundry expenses that needed to be met, what held me back was.. what will people say..starting with my family and immediate circle to the wider world at large.
Traumatic illness finally opened my mind..to the fact that I was working for the sake of working; merely existing from day to day till the message at the month-end alerted me to a replenished coffer; there was no drive or excitement that got me out of bed and on the road to another great day at work (makes me wonder if there is anybody out there who experiences this) – just a hum drum routine.
Perhaps the fact that I have been a journalist a better part of my working life spoiled me to such a repetitious existence; perhaps it was the lack of focus; perhaps the lack of something new- whatever it be, I saw it seep into my insides till I could take no more.
I have consciously decided to ease out this tired self I have been wearing for so long, shed my acquired facade of non-involvement and hunt for my calling. A hard decision, especially when there isn’t any nest egg and huge bills loom in the not-so-distant horizon. But then again, if I do not cut loose now, I never will.
Foolhardy and wishful though this may seem..I am optimistic of life showing me what I should be. And even if I don’t at least I am starting on a new adventure..so ahoy here I am ready to travel once more.
Vital signs are steady already. No stress. No disturbed sleep ( In fact I get by with 6.30-7 hours). No waking up in the middle of the night to cold sweat and a wildly beating drum in my head. No frowns on my face or a growl in my voice. No sweat. NO FEAR.
Life is to live and I’m learning to live it my way.
Wiser for what has passed and happier in having the courage to cut loose. NO REGRETS.